Gradually I am regaining my faculties


Ain’t it funny how you can see it coming? Signs are given to ominous events. Remember the clocks and the repeated digits I kept seeing the month before? I knew they portended something. And I said so.

It has been a strange several weeks in one respect. Maybe it’s been only two weeks, it’s hard to say. Often when I look at the digital clocks now it’s often the same numeral repeated.  Whether 11:11, 4:44 or like now 3:33. Makes me feel apprehensive, like something ominous is about to happen. There  has been an unusual number of these lately.

As if to underscore the point, I received a phone call while writing this. Did a couple of other things and then sat back down to work. I glanced at the clock. It was 4:44. Eerie. That’s the first time it has happened two hours in a row, much less  even two consecutive days. It is like a flashing signal in my individual metaphysical world. Meaningless or portentous, it’s nevertheless there. One of those things that can be experienced by nobody else but me.

I saw something was coming with that little psychic eye of mine. Indeed, had I known what, I would have been unable to function. But that flashing sign was there. That flashing sign was there. A genuine omen. I was especially chilled when it underscored itself in the above passage.

I never thought I was going to spend my summer in the hospital. Fate certainly threw me a curve ball. I almost struck out. Terminally. For a while I feared I would never leave this hospital alive. The person in the room next to mine in intensive care certainly did not make it.. I’ve been in the hospital about six weeks. The entire month of July simply erased from my life. A couple of weeks ago I saw the faint light at the end of this dark tunnel. Now I anticipate the exit in three days. I discover something about myself. On the vain side, according to many of the nurses I have “good hair”. Apparently when I don’t comb it, which I haven’t done in six weeks, it’s curly. I think I’ll keep that look. That’s one less thing that I will have to do in my daily grooming routine. I had been seriously thinking about cutting it all off when I got out of here, adopting a different look to mark this ordeal I’ve been through, but now, thanks to the admiration of these women, at least one of whom thinks I look as young as 40, I will take the opposite approach. One of the benefits of a long hospital stay is it allows your hair to grow long. So that’s going to be my new look, in commemoration of this horrible experience: curly uncombed hair and a bushy mustache, rather than the cropped one I’ve previously worn. I will have to cultivate it, as I have just learned from  a cursory internet search. Instead of combing my hair I’ll be combing my mustache.
This will indeed be like getting out of jail and I shall be able to resume some of my bad habits. Actually I have only one, and its not really bad. Quite the opposite. I discover also that my eating habits are not so bad compared to hospital food. My normal diet includes much more fresh fruit and salad than the hospital’s, which is virtually none. They have done a job on my digestive system. I will be glad to get back to regularity, which I had before, even with my reliance upon sandwiches and fast foods.
Even now I find myself getting back to normal. Previously I could not have written this long without developing a headache. Though I feel it coming on now,  still the onset is later. And it is nowhere near as severe. Gradually I am regaining my faculties.


  1. I saw something was coming with that little psychic eye of mine. Indeed, had I known what, I would have been unable to function. But that flashing sign was there.

    Yowsah! During my 2 weeks out of the hospital Ive discovered that aint nothing. I see the repeated digits on clocks almost everyday now. At least five days in a row last week. If the intermittent repetition of digits portended near death at the hospital, I shudder to think what this recent frequency portends. Apocalypse?

    Its gotten to the point that I now dread to look at a digital clock. Im lucky that the clock in my hospital room was the conventional kind. With the hands. Otherwise I might have noticed it happening during my month and a half long stay in the hospital. Well, not lucky. If I had noticed the repeating digits during that period it would be easier to dismiss these moments as mere coincidence.

  2. taotesan · · Reply

    Hi nomad.

    I am very glad to hear that you are recuperating. It sounds like you are still struggling through your ordeal. Go easy on yourself. Sometimes healing takes much longer than we think . You have a lot in you .

    Personally i have hit rock bottom and am clawing my self out of a very deep abyss. Perhaps my writing would be fragmented . I think my cognitive abilities and memory have been massively impacted. At times like this, i some times suffer from aphonia,and hence fragmented writing.

    That, through your very rough ride,that you can still tun up for your day , and bring us different perspectives on your blog,is not lost on me . And also write coherently and insightfully . Thank you.

    Not to be weird,but i think you would gauge from whence this comes,but i send you love and strength from across the ocean.

    (My English is mangled,but hope you get the gist) .

    1. thanks. feeling particularly bad this week. will comment further when feeling better.

    2. Thanks for sending me love and strength. That means a lot. I hope that you overcome your ordeal and I likewise send you love and strength across this great distance. This has really taken a toll on me. Not just my body, but my mind, in ways that I cannot even describe. I keep writing and reading because thats the only thing that has meaning. Best wishes to you.

  3. getting better. no more headaches, swollen ankles’.

  4. Dear nomad.

    I have got back to mindfulness and meditation,which has helped me tremendously.

    Love from Cape Town .

    1. Good to hear. Im okay, except very tired. Sleeping a lot during the day. Very low energy.

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